The Self Motivational Resource
A Self Motivational Outlook on Life
Self Motivational and Self Image
The great thing about self motivational people is that they are not burdened by what other people think of them. That’s not because they are arrogant or conceited they just don’t let it make them feel less of themselves or on the flipside inflate their ego. To paraphrase Rudyard Kipling; self motivational people can meet triumph and disaster and treat those two impostors just the same. It’s about staying on the level regardless of what people say or think about you. Especially what we think others think about us as very often we don’t have a very accurate view of this.
The main reason we often worry about what others think of us is that we crave their approval. Why might we be so dependent on others approval to make us feel good about ourselves? For many of us this behaviour pattern is instilled at a very early age. When children misbehave their parents often chastise them and tell them they are a bad boy/girl. If this is done relentlessly then the child begins to believe they are inherently bad or there is something wrong with them and that their parents don’t love them. If you are a parent of young children make sure that you highlight their bad behaviour not that they are bad. In this way you can direct their behaviour but leave their self esteem intact. Research has found that up to the age of 6 or 7 years a child will accept the opinion of any authority figure as being fact and will begin to form their character as a result. As William Wordsworth said “the child is father of the man”. The problem is further confounded when a child does something well and is given high praise and told they are a good boy/girl. Often they don’t understand why they are now inherently good but it makes them feel good about themselves. From then on they know they feel good when others think well of them and they become almost addicted to the situation. Thus they crave approval even if they are not sure how they go about getting that approval. As we grow up we begin to work out what get approval and what doesn’t though we are not always completely accurate in our analysis. It becomes even more complicated when others have different expectations of us and give approval for different behaviours. This then becomes a barrier to us being self motivational.
As a result we develop a belief that what makes us ‘good enough’ is what others think about us. We then become a puppet on a string to be led one way then another by what we think people will think of us. So how can we alter that belief? The first thing to realise that it is not based on reality it is just our map of the world and that we can change that map. One of the ways of changing belief patterns and becoming more self motivational is to use positive affirmations. These can be used by writing them down a number of times or saying them out loud especially while looking into a mirror. My favourite affirmation to use in this context is “What I think of myself is much more important than what others think of me”. If used often enough you hard wire this new belief pattern into your brain which in turn cuts those strings allowing you to be self motivational. For more ideas take a look at my self motivational booklist.
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Self Motivational Means Being Assertive
How are self motivational people better at being assertive than the rest of us? The main reason is that they understand the difference between being assertive and being aggressive. Many of us believe that to be aggressive is an unacceptable form of behaviour and therefore don’t wish to be seen as that kind of person. In most cases I would agree, though if someone is coming at you with a knife you may be forced to adjust your thinking quickly. However the dislike of this behaviour is often more to do with confusing aggressive behaviour with assertive behaviour. Aggressive behaviour is exhibited by those who don’t care what other people think or believe only their view is the right one. Self motivational people see being assertive as an alternative way to behave. Being assertive means putting forward your point of view forthrightly but at the same time accepting that others are entitled to have a different opinion.
Sometimes it is just a natural reaction to be aggressive when someone else is aggressive towards you. Or you may react in a totally different way when someone is aggressive and exhibit passive behaviour. Some people even swing between being passive until pushed too far and then revert to being aggressive. Neither of these behaviours is likely to satisfactorily resolve a situation. Aggressive, passive or passive/aggressive behaviours do not address the underlying issue directly and often take a relationship off at a tangent leaving the original problem unresolved. Being assertive is about providing direct and clear communication about your views and feelings on an issue without either threatening others position or conceding which is not the same as agreeing. Self motivational people always respect others position while clearly outlining what they want and expect from an individual transaction or an ongoing relationship.
Aggressive, passive or passive/aggressive behaviours are learned behaviours we get from our relationships with those in authority as we grow up. You can readily look back into your past and see where these non-assertive behaviours came from. I don’t suggest you spend too much time looking back. I would prefer to look forward and see how you can develop an assertive approach to life and thus become more self motivational. Understand that in any situation, but particularly in a confrontational one, that you must clearly put forward not only what you think is the truth but what you believe to be the truth. Be prepared to listen to others views but also don’t be afraid to reiterate your views which you strongly believe in. Others may disagree with your views but they cannot take away your right to hold those views.
If you wish to really test this approach use it next time someone is being particularly aggressive towards you. Just continue to say this is what I think and this is what I believe without saying the other person is wrong. Watch how confused they become, they are not used to others behaving in this way and don’t know how to respond. They often will wander off shaking their heads not knowing what just happened. What happened is you were assertive which increased your self esteem and also made you more self motivational. If you need more support in this area have a look at my self motivational booklist.
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Self Motivational Means Never Giving Up
How can I motivate myself? Are you still asking that age old question? To be self motivational you need to adopt a new mindset from the one that has you asking that question “how can I motivate myself?” If you are asking this question of yourself then you are more likely to be the type that will readily quit when things go wrong. If things go wrong do you find yourself saying things like. “I knew it would never work” “Things never work out for me” “No matter how hard I try it never seems to happen for me”. If you find yourself using this type of internal talk realise that you are telling your subconscious that there is a state of permanency here which you can’t get out of. And as you should know by now if you have been reading any of my postings, what you tell your subconscious it sets about to make a reality for you.
If you are a self motivational person then how you motivate yourself is by seeing an underlying cause for what has gone wrong which you can act on and achieve better results. For that is the mindset that you must adopt. That is, when things go wrong you don’t see that as a failure that it is just a result which you didn’t want. See it as feedback which you can use in answering the question “How can I motivate myself?” If you have looked at Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) at all you will realise that this is what they call reframing. You can either put it in a frame and call it failure or you can put it in another frame and call it a different result from what you wanted. As a child when you were learning to walk and you fell over for the nth time, neither you or your parents said “OK that’s it you’ll never do this walking thing might as well give up and just crawl on your hands and knees for the rest of your life!” No you took the feedback about balance and foot placement and quite rapidly really mastered the art. Why then as adults if we fail to lose weight we say “diets don’t work for me” instead as self motivational people say “yes I still ate too much last week and didn’t get out jogging enough for me to attain the result I wanted” Similarly in the current climate some of you may be applying for jobs and getting many rejections. If you are saying “I’ll never get another job” then you probably won’t. If you are saying “how can I try a different field, improve my resume or my interview skills” then you will achieve the result you desire and you will have learned how to motivate yourself in many other areas of your life.
If you want some more support to be self motivational take a look at my own self motivational booklist of authors who have helped me along the way.
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Self Motivational Way to Control Inner Voices.
Our inner voices by default are usually negative and as such have quite an impact on us. Self motivational people know how to manage these inner voices to stay positive in their outlook.
Very often these inner voices are taking us back to a previous negative incident and constantly serving it up for us to view and relive the experience. As they are viewed repeatedly they are magnified and made to appear even worse than the original incident. They are continually feeding us that if we try things we will fail and so we become almost paralysed to take any action. Sometimes these voices don’t relate to any previous activity they are just there sapping our confidence to be able to take action and achieve our goals.
Self motivational people have great ways for dealing with these inner voices. One of the quickest and best ways to deal with them is to change the sound of them. Remember it’s your head you do have control of that space between your ears. So when you are replaying one of these negative sessions change the pitch of the sound up or down. Make it sound like a silly cartoon voice so squeaky your brain would have no respect for anything it says. Speed the voice up until it sounds as if it is talking gibberish. While doing this begin to notice the positive effect you are experiencing and how self motivational you have become. If you are seeing negative images with the voices then drain any colour from the image, shrink it down to a tiny dot and then kick it off into the distance.
Another great technique that self motivational people use to diffuse the impact of the negative words and images is to get them out of your head and onto paper. Write them all down as if you are sucking them out of your head. Once you have done that, if you have the facility then shred the piece of paper. Then take the shreds and burn them (in a safe way of course) and watch as you have destroyed these negative thoughts and see how empowered and self motivational you become.
If you have particularly negative thoughts which keep recurring then you may have to take them on head on. While relaxing close your eyes and think back to a time when you have dealt successfully with a negative situation. Just see, hear and feel the inner resources you used to deal with the situation. Now bring those images, sounds and feelings back to the current negative voices and know that you can apply them equally well to this situation. Believe me if you tell your subconscious that you have the resources to overcome them it will take on those inner voices and will find a solution. If you want some more ideas take a look at my self motivational booklist.
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Self Motivational Way to Manage Stress
You can clearly distinguish self motivational people by the way they manage stressful situations. One of the main reasons we may be easily stressed in a given situation is because we readily associate with it. What does that mean? It means we find it difficult to stand back and take an objective view of the situation. We use most if not all of our senses to absorb ourselves in the situation and thus if it is a negative situation our emotions become overwhelmed. On the other hand self motivational people appear to achieve an inner peace when all around them negative influences are going on. They have a clearer perspective on what is going on rather than just a bunch of mixed up emotions.
In the first instance self motivational people become observers of what is happening around them. They decide to gather as much information about the situation before they decide on and take action. Self motivational people get highly curious about what is going on even in a negative situation. They want to learn what is happening and try to understand what is happening. If you are familiar with Stephen Covey’s book “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” (see my self motivational book list). You will know that one of the habits he recommends is “Seek First to Understand then be Understood”. So as observers they are dissociated from the situation and in a better place to take a more realistic view of what is happening.
The secong thing that self motivational people do is to remain objective. That is they don’t pre-judge the situation waiting till they have all the relevant information before they take a decision and then act. They remain unbiased and are not quick to critisize as many of the rest of us do. Self motivational people also exhibit a sense of compassion rather than just coldly judging people.
When I say that self motivational people act as observers and stay objective they don’t just do that about others. They do the same about themselves in any given situation. This is the real skill of being dissociated in any situation to arrive at the right conclusion. This is why we notice that self motivational people appear to have that inner peace even in particularly negative situations. It also explains why self motivational people always seem to make the right decisions in any given situation. Try it yourself next time you are in a stressful situation, stand back and be an observer and take an objective view. You will notice yourself becoming more self motivational.
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Self Motivational - Face your Internal Resistance
One of the key traits which stand out in self motivational people is their ability to manage internal resistance. Many people follow the usual steps of self improvement by focusing on goals and drawing up plans to achieve them. Then they get stuck and the most common reason is internal resistance. Why does this happen? Because we really like to stay within our comfort zone. Quite often we spend more time building monuments of resistance and doubt rather than expending the energy on shooting for our goals. Self motivational people are first aware that this can happen and secondly work on avoiding it.
Many of us just react to circumstance and just default to taking the easy option. We of course have to generate excuses to justify this action or lack of it to ourselves. “Its not my fault so I can’t do anything about it.” “I haven’t got time there are too many urgent things to be done.” “I haven’t got enough money to do something about it.” Recognise any of that? Self motivational people refuse to allow that internal dialogue to bog them down. They look at it positively and say “OK that’s my subconscious trying to protect me” They will look to see what does that thinking give you what sort of comfort does it offer. Then they will put in place actions which will move them forward but also provide a benefit to them. For example “I can’t give up smoking because many of my friends around me smoke” OK you are transferring the blame and/or putting up a fear that you could lose friends if you change your habits. Self motivational people would look to expand their circle of friends to include mainly non smokers. Then when they kick the habit try to help some of their original friends do the same. What a great feeling of empowerment that would give you.
How can you start to be more self motivational? Take a look at some changes you have made, no matter how simple or trivial. Realise that you overcame some internal resistance or doubts to achieve that. Then be confident that you achieved it once so you can do it again and see how you can generate some momentum. If you want some more support take a look at my self motivational book list.
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Self Worth is Key to Being Self Motivational
No matter how successful we feel we are we need to be mindful of our self worth if we are to be self motivational. It is possible for that nagging inner voice to start you off on a downward spiral which convinces you that you are not worthy even if you are receiving positive feedback from all around.
So how do self motivational people work on their self worth? In the first instance they look after themselves by ensuring they eat healthily, exercise regularly and avoid abuse of their mind and body with excess stimulants eg alcohol. The message they are sending to their brain is that they are of value and if you don’t respect your mind and body then how can you expect anyone else to? Another thing that self motivational people do is to reward themselves for the positive things that they do to reinforce their self worth through self recognition. While it is easy to get caught up in the drive to achieve our goals we need to take time out to reward ourselves as we achieve smaller milestones along the way and also to remember to smell the roses along the way.
A key way to build and sustain our self worth is to selflessly do things for others without any expectation of return or reward other than the satisfaction of helping others. So again self motivational people take time out from their sometimes hectic lives of striving for their goals to do some good in their community. This may be a charitable act for a particular group or simply an act of kindness to one individual. Self motivated individuals will increase their self worth by continually looking for new knowledge or skills to enhance their ability to make a contribution to the world.
The greatest way to build our self worth is to tell ourselves that we love ourselves. Often people say this is being narcissistic and there is a danger if that is all you do to address your self worth. But remember if you don’t think it is important to love yourself why should others even begin to like you. It is about that inner voice again sending the right messages to your subconscious mind to make sure you are in the best shape to make a contribution to the world as a self motivational person.
For further ideas on being self motivational take a look at my self motivational book list.
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How Self Motivational People Crisis Manage
I was inspired to write on this topic as I observe the lack of self motivational behaviour among our British politicians in dealing with the crisis over their use of the badly formed parliamentary expenses system. So what can they and ourselves learn from the way that self motivational people manage a crisis.
The first thing they do is to disassociate from the situation ie they come up above the crisis and take an aerial view of the situation. That way they are less likely to sub optimise when finding a solution and in particular they use their head instead of their emotions. People who are self motivated are very hard headed and will then ask themselves “OK what is the worst thing that can happen to me here?”. This type of thinking means they don’t start to give the crisis more importance than it really deserves. Another good question they ask themselves is “is this situation going to kill me?”. A great question for keeping things in perspective. If this hasn’t calmed you down yet then scale it back and say “will I lose my home as a result?” the answer to that today unfortunately may often be yes. Then the supplementary question is “will I end up without a roof over my head?” The answer to that is “unlikely” which will calm you down. Similarly ” will I starve as a result of this?” to which the answer again is “unlikely”. So if you are not going to die, especially though starvation and you are not going to have to walk the streets then you have time to do some serious and creative thinking.
What did Barack Obama’s advisor Rahm Emanuel say “You never let a serious crisis go to waste. And what I mean by that it’s an opportunity to do things you think you could not do before.” Now there is a self motivational approach to a crisis. So now the question that self motivated people ask is “what would be the best possible outcome to this situation?”. By asking that sort of question our subconscious mind sets to work searching for solutions rather than embellishing the picture of the crisis. You have heard me say before that I truly believe that everyone has within them the resources to achieve what they genuinely desire, that’s why I enjoy coaching people to do just that. So by asking the right questions then you set about tapping into those resources.
Now having within you all the resources necessary doesn’t mean you have all the knowledge but what it does mean for self motivational people is that they quickly work out where to go for help and who to ask. Self motivational people also know that crisis just means that life gives tests and that we need to be very adaptable if we are going to find the answer to those tests and move on. If you or the British Parliament would like any more ideas please take a look at my self motivational book list.
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Self Motivational Means Avoiding Blame
Easier said than done I hear you say, but self motivational people stay out of blame and are much more successful because of this attitude. Next time you feel yourself going into blame mode just stop and think for a moment. What impact is it having on you and even more importantly what impact are you having on others? In the first instance are you blaming others because you are upset and do you feel less upset because you are casting blame? It is unlikely. So if you still feel upset what is casting blame doing for you? Nothing I suspect and you certainly won’t feel more self motivational as a result. In the second instance where your behaviour is impacting others, ask yourself are you blaming them for exhibiting behaviour that you sometimes demonstrate yourself? By recognising this begin to take control for your actions. Blaming others robs you of self motivation and hands control over to those that you are blaming.
When you cast blame you are imposing your map of the world on others. Remember what we said before. We all have our own maps of the world and not only are no two of them the same none of them is an accurate reflection of reality. Self motivational people accept that others have a different outlook on life and set about understanding these differences not trying to impose their preferred view of life. By doing so they know they are learning more about their world and the people in it which is incredibly empowering. Now I am not suggesting that others don’t need to take responsibility for their action because they really do. However holding others to account is different from casting blame and self motivational people know that difference. In some difficult situations others may not take responsibility for their behaviours even when you try to hold them to account. If you want to be truly self motivational then you need to take responsibility for the situation which is causing you discomfort and maybe even pain. Taking full responsibility is one of the most empowering actions you can ever take and will demonstrate your leadership in any circumstance.
For self motivational people the opposite of blaming is being empowered, taking back control and being fully responsible for their journey through life. For more support take a look at my self motivational booklist.
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Faith Keeps You Self Motivational
Having faith in themselves and their abilities is a hallmark of self motivational people. So if you want to be self motivational then work on the faith you have in yourself. We have talked before about how your subconscious gets to work to help you achieve what you desire. We have also talked about how your subconscious self takes orders from your conscious self. One of the ways that self motivational people give orders to their subconscious is by the faith they have in their abilities. Faith turns wishes and idle dreams into concerted action to achieve our goals.
How do self motivational people have faith in themselves in the first place? They do this by focusing on the things that go right in their lives rather than the things that go wrong. When things go wrong they say ok I didn’t get the outcome I wanted, move on and do something else. When things go right for them they dwell on it and that confirms to them that they are successful and so gives them faith in their abilities. In turn that increases their self motivation and it gradually becomes hard wired in their brain. So how do self motivational people strengthen their faith? A bit like religious followers strengthen their faith, by coming together with other like minded followers of the same faith and sharing with them. So if you hang out with negative minded people all the time that won’t build up your faith. But if you hang out with like minded self motivational people that will confirm and strengthen your faith.
What other ways are there to create strong faith in yourself and to strengthen it. Faith is influenced strongly by emotion. So when you focus on one of your successes feel the emotion of that moment and that with anchor it within your subconscious and will make it easier to call it up when you need to have faith in yourself.
A lack of faith in yourself is often linked to low self esteem. A way to work on your self esteem is to sit down and firstly start to write down all the situations you have taken action and things have worked for you. Even if you start with very low self esteem and say nothing goes right for me recognise that your default position is to think negatively. So in the worst case scenario where you can’t think or your positive attribute call in your best friend. Get them to write down your positive attributes, they will be able to come up with some thats why they became your friend. Even if they can’t see any they will at least lie, that’s what best friends are for!! Once you have this initial list use it on a daily basis and read it as a set of positive affirmations. As you do this on a daily basis your self esteem with begin to grow which will give you more faith in yourself which in turn will make you more self motivational.
If you want more inspiration on how to build your faith take a look at my self motivational book list.
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100 Ways to Motivate Yourself
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