Self Motivational Means Being Assertive

Posted on December 31st, 2009 by admin in self motivational

How are self motivational people better at being assertive than the rest of us? The main reason is that they understand the difference between being assertive and being aggressive. Many of us believe that to be aggressive is an unacceptable form of behaviour and therefore don’t wish to be seen as that kind of person. In most cases I would agree, though if someone is coming at you with a knife you may be forced to adjust your thinking quickly. However the dislike of this behaviour is often more to do with confusing aggressive behaviour with assertive behaviour. Aggressive behaviour is exhibited by those who don’t care what other people think or believe only their view is the right one. Self motivational people see being assertive as an alternative way to behave. Being assertive means putting forward your point of view forthrightly but at the same time accepting that others are entitled to have a different opinion.

Sometimes it is just a natural reaction to be aggressive when someone else is aggressive towards you. Or you may react in a totally different way when someone is aggressive and exhibit passive behaviour. Some people even swing between being passive until pushed too far and then revert to being aggressive. Neither of these behaviours is likely to satisfactorily resolve a situation. Aggressive, passive or passive/aggressive behaviours do not address the underlying issue directly and often take a relationship off at a tangent leaving the original problem unresolved. Being assertive is about providing direct and clear communication about your views and feelings on an issue without either threatening others position or conceding which is not the same as agreeing. Self motivational people always respect others position while clearly outlining what they want and expect from an individual transaction or an ongoing relationship.

Aggressive, passive or passive/aggressive behaviours are learned behaviours we get from our relationships with those in authority as we grow up. You can readily look back into your past and see where these non-assertive behaviours came from. I don’t suggest you spend too much time looking back. I would prefer to look forward and see how you can develop an assertive approach to life and thus become more self motivational. Understand that in any situation, but particularly in a confrontational one, that you must clearly put forward not only what you think is the truth but what you believe to be the truth. Be prepared to listen to others views but also don’t be afraid to reiterate your views which you strongly believe in. Others may disagree with your views but they cannot take away your right to hold those views.

If you wish to really test this approach use it next time someone is being particularly aggressive towards you. Just continue to say this is what I think and this is what I believe without saying the other person is wrong. Watch how confused they become, they are not used to others behaving in this way and don’t know how to respond. They often will wander off shaking their heads not knowing what just happened. What happened is you were assertive which increased your self esteem and also made you more self motivational. If you need more support in this area have a look at my self motivational booklist.

 

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