The Self Motivational Resource http://selfmotivational.brighterplanet.org A Self Motivational Outlook on Life Mon, 19 Apr 2010 06:44:59 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.5.1 en Self Motivational Means …… http://selfmotivational.brighterplanet.org/uncategorized/self-motivational-means http://selfmotivational.brighterplanet.org/uncategorized/self-motivational-means#comments Mon, 19 Apr 2010 06:44:59 +0000 admin http://selfmotivational.brighterplanet.org/uncategorized/self-motivational-means http://selfmotivational.brighterplanet.org/uncategorized/self-motivational-means/feed Self Motivational Means Mind your Language http://selfmotivational.brighterplanet.org/self-motivational/self-motivational-means-mind-your-language http://selfmotivational.brighterplanet.org/self-motivational/self-motivational-means-mind-your-language#comments Tue, 30 Mar 2010 16:25:59 +0000 admin http://selfmotivational.brighterplanet.org/uncategorized/self-motivational-means-2 Self motivational people know that the language they use can have a very big impact on their moods and behaviour. When others around them are continually using negative talk they conciously block it out to avoid it impacting on their day. How often when something goes wrong you hear others or yourself saying “what a disaster!” In most cases the disaster is no more than laddered tights just before going out for the evening or the video recorder failed to record the football match you wanted to see. So what, but the issue is that your subconcious is listening and if it hears a stream of very negative expressions it reacts accordingly. So you become more and more miserable and in extreme cases depressed and anything but self motivational. When you look at it they are only minor set backs which often can be readily overcome. But if you keep up such negative inner talk or surround yourself with people who exaggerate negativity it will begin to take its toll on your mindset.
Ask yourself this ” Does over emphasising the negative nature of a situation put you in the right frame of mind to overcome it?” Hopefully you answered “No!”. But for some people it has become a way of life to look at the world in as negative frame of mind as possible and worse still express it in extremely negative terms. What happened in Haiti recently was a disaster, missing your favourite football team is no more than an inconvenience to which you should be no more than peeved. There’s a great word to have in your vocabulary which will send the signal to your brain that it is anything but a disaster and you can overcome it or at least cope with it. If you realise that stress is not caused by external factors but by how you react to them you can see that your mental health depends a lot on the language you use and listen to regularly.
So what can you do if you want to be self motivational? First you must look to the language you use yourself. When you find yourself reacting to a negative situation, stop and think and say to yourself in the scale of things how does this compare to a real disaste (Haiti or whichever one you want to use as your yardstick) and say how bad do I feel this situation really is? In most cases it is a minor mishap not a catastrophe. So curb your desire to use hyperbole to describe a negative situation. Secondly listen for others using extreme language to make matters worse and ask them “do you really think the situation is that bad?”. You will help them to become more self motivational by challenging their thinking this way. If you find that some people do not respond positively to this challenging then perhaps its best not to spend too much time in their company. If you would like some further help in being more self motivational take a look at my favourite book list.

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]]> http://selfmotivational.brighterplanet.org/self-motivational/self-motivational-means-mind-your-language/feed Self Motivational Help to be Happy when Sad http://selfmotivational.brighterplanet.org/self-motivational/self-motivational-help-to-be-happy-when-sad http://selfmotivational.brighterplanet.org/self-motivational/self-motivational-help-to-be-happy-when-sad#comments Sun, 14 Feb 2010 19:29:59 +0000 admin http://selfmotivational.brighterplanet.org/uncategorized/self-motivational-means

Self motivational people know that their mood is controlled internally by how they respond to external stimuli. If you can take this principle on board you will realise that no matter how badly the world is treating you there is no need to compound it by making yourself miserable.

The first step in improving your mood is to realise that by being aware of the sad feeling and where it emanates from you can begin to do something about it. Its not that self motivational people never have sad feelings it’s just that they latch onto it quicker and begin to manage the situation. They may not be able to change the outside influence that is causing the sadness but they know that they can control their reaction to it. Now I am not suggesting that you ignore sad feelings, sometimes it is your mind sending you signals that you shouldn’t dismiss. For example if you suffer a bereavement of a family member or close friend I am not suggesting you put on a grin from ear to ear and start bouncing off the walls. In such an instance the grieving process requires that you do reflect on this loss. However those who dwell on it for too long never get through the grieving process and it begins to affect both their physical and mental health. Self motivational people move on from feeling sorry for themselves for the loss to celebrating the life of the person who has passed on. Now the grieving process is a lot more complicated than this and needs to be the subject of a longer discussion than here. However I hope it demonstrates that the control is in the hands of the person feeling sad.

So after recognising the sad feeling and why your mind wants to remind you of something, the next stage is to let go of that feeling. This is not to deny the feeling but to realise that in the long term it is not helping you. It is more than an old wife’s tale to say that if you send out negative vibrations to the world you will receive back similar negative vibes. To achieve this you need to begin to live in the now. Self motivational people don’t like to spend a lot of time mulling over negative things that happened in the past nor do they spend too much time anticipating things going wrong in the future. They live in the now and deal with their emotions in the present. If the sadness is caused by someone who has wronged you in the past if you forgive them in the present it is you who benefits by letting go of the grudge. If you find this difficult you will be much more self motivational when you realise that no amount of brooding will change the past but you can change how you feel in the present. Also by living in the now you can focus on what actions you need to take to move forward into a positive tomorrow. Again self motivational people focus on the solution to overcome a sad situation rather than dwelling on the cause or the source. Overall you need to begin to focus on all the wonderful things around you, a baby’s smile, a beautiful sunset, a piece of inspirational music, a funny film etc. If you need further help take a look at my self motivational book list.

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]]> http://selfmotivational.brighterplanet.org/self-motivational/self-motivational-help-to-be-happy-when-sad/feed Self Motivational and Self Image http://selfmotivational.brighterplanet.org/self-motivational/self-motivational-and-self-image http://selfmotivational.brighterplanet.org/self-motivational/self-motivational-and-self-image#comments Sat, 30 Jan 2010 12:24:59 +0000 admin http://selfmotivational.brighterplanet.org/uncategorized/self-motivational-means
The great thing about self motivational people is that they are not burdened by what other people think of them. That’s not because they are arrogant or conceited they just don’t let it make them feel less of themselves or on the flipside inflate their ego. To paraphrase Rudyard Kipling; self motivational people can meet triumph and disaster and treat those two impostors just the same. It’s about staying on the level regardless of what people say or think about you. Especially what we think others think about us as very often we don’t have a very accurate view of this.

The main reason we often worry about what others think of us is that we crave their approval. Why might we be so dependent on others approval to make us feel good about ourselves? For many of us this behaviour pattern is instilled at a very early age. When children misbehave their parents often chastise them and tell them they are a bad boy/girl. If this is done relentlessly then the child begins to believe they are inherently bad or there is something wrong with them and that their parents don’t love them. If you are a parent of young children make sure that you highlight their bad behaviour not that they are bad. In this way you can direct their behaviour but leave their self esteem intact. Research has found that up to the age of 6 or 7 years a child will accept the opinion of any authority figure as being fact and will begin to form their character as a result. As William Wordsworth said “the child is father of the man”. The problem is further confounded when a child does something well and is given high praise and told they are a good boy/girl. Often they don’t understand why they are now inherently good but it makes them feel good about themselves. From then on they know they feel good when others think well of them and they become almost addicted to the situation. Thus they crave approval even if they are not sure how they go about getting that approval. As we grow up we begin to work out what get approval and what doesn’t though we are not always completely accurate in our analysis. It becomes even more complicated when others have different expectations of us and give approval for different behaviours. This then becomes a barrier to us being self motivational.

As a result we develop a belief that what makes us ‘good enough’ is what others think about us. We then become a puppet on a string to be led one way then another by what we think people will think of us. So how can we alter that belief? The first thing to realise that it is not based on reality it is just our map of the world and that we can change that map. One of the ways of changing belief patterns and becoming more self motivational is to use positive affirmations. These can be used by writing them down a number of times or saying them out loud especially while looking into a mirror. My favourite affirmation to use in this context is “What I think of myself is much more important than what others think of me”. If used often enough you hard wire this new belief pattern into your brain which in turn cuts those strings allowing you to be self motivational. For more ideas take a look at my self motivational booklist.

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]]> http://selfmotivational.brighterplanet.org/self-motivational/self-motivational-and-self-image/feed Self Motivational Means Being Assertive http://selfmotivational.brighterplanet.org/self-motivational/self-motivational-means-being-assertive http://selfmotivational.brighterplanet.org/self-motivational/self-motivational-means-being-assertive#comments Thu, 31 Dec 2009 12:20:59 +0000 admin http://selfmotivational.brighterplanet.org/uncategorized/self-motivational-means How are self motivational people better at being assertive than the rest of us? The main reason is that they understand the difference between being assertive and being aggressive. Many of us believe that to be aggressive is an unacceptable form of behaviour and therefore don’t wish to be seen as that kind of person. In most cases I would agree, though if someone is coming at you with a knife you may be forced to adjust your thinking quickly. However the dislike of this behaviour is often more to do with confusing aggressive behaviour with assertive behaviour. Aggressive behaviour is exhibited by those who don’t care what other people think or believe only their view is the right one. Self motivational people see being assertive as an alternative way to behave. Being assertive means putting forward your point of view forthrightly but at the same time accepting that others are entitled to have a different opinion.

Sometimes it is just a natural reaction to be aggressive when someone else is aggressive towards you. Or you may react in a totally different way when someone is aggressive and exhibit passive behaviour. Some people even swing between being passive until pushed too far and then revert to being aggressive. Neither of these behaviours is likely to satisfactorily resolve a situation. Aggressive, passive or passive/aggressive behaviours do not address the underlying issue directly and often take a relationship off at a tangent leaving the original problem unresolved. Being assertive is about providing direct and clear communication about your views and feelings on an issue without either threatening others position or conceding which is not the same as agreeing. Self motivational people always respect others position while clearly outlining what they want and expect from an individual transaction or an ongoing relationship.

Aggressive, passive or passive/aggressive behaviours are learned behaviours we get from our relationships with those in authority as we grow up. You can readily look back into your past and see where these non-assertive behaviours came from. I don’t suggest you spend too much time looking back. I would prefer to look forward and see how you can develop an assertive approach to life and thus become more self motivational. Understand that in any situation, but particularly in a confrontational one, that you must clearly put forward not only what you think is the truth but what you believe to be the truth. Be prepared to listen to others views but also don’t be afraid to reiterate your views which you strongly believe in. Others may disagree with your views but they cannot take away your right to hold those views.

If you wish to really test this approach use it next time someone is being particularly aggressive towards you. Just continue to say this is what I think and this is what I believe without saying the other person is wrong. Watch how confused they become, they are not used to others behaving in this way and don’t know how to respond. They often will wander off shaking their heads not knowing what just happened. What happened is you were assertive which increased your self esteem and also made you more self motivational. If you need more support in this area have a look at my self motivational booklist.

 

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]]> http://selfmotivational.brighterplanet.org/self-motivational/self-motivational-means-being-assertive/feed Self Motivational Means Never Giving Up http://selfmotivational.brighterplanet.org/self-techniques/self-motivational-means-never-giving-up http://selfmotivational.brighterplanet.org/self-techniques/self-motivational-means-never-giving-up#comments Sun, 29 Nov 2009 12:39:59 +0000 admin http://selfmotivational.brighterplanet.org/uncategorized/next-post-coming-shortly How can I motivate myself? Are you still asking that age old question? To be self motivational you need to adopt a new mindset from the one that has you asking that question “how can I motivate myself?” If you are asking this question of yourself then you are more likely to be the type that will readily quit when things go wrong. If things go wrong do you find yourself saying things like. “I knew it would never work” “Things never work out for me” “No matter how hard I try it never seems to happen for me”. If you find yourself using this type of internal talk realise that you are telling your subconscious that there is a state of permanency here which you can’t get out of. And as you should know by now if you have been reading any of my postings, what you tell your subconscious it sets about to make a reality for you.

If you are a self motivational person then how you motivate yourself is by seeing an underlying cause for what has gone wrong which you can act on and achieve better results. For that is the mindset that you must adopt. That is, when things go wrong you don’t see that as a failure that it is just a result which you didn’t want. See it as feedback which you can use in answering the question “How can I motivate myself?” If you have looked at Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) at all you will realise that this is what they call reframing. You can either put it in a frame and call it failure or you can put it in another frame and call it a different result from what you wanted. As a child when you were learning to walk and you fell over for the nth time, neither you or your parents said “OK that’s it you’ll never do this walking thing might as well give up and just crawl on your hands and knees for the rest of your life!” No you took the feedback about balance and foot placement and quite rapidly really mastered the art. Why then as adults if we fail to lose weight we say “diets don’t work for me” instead as self motivational people say “yes I still ate too much last week and didn’t get out jogging enough for me to attain the result I wanted” Similarly in the current climate some of you may be applying for jobs and getting many rejections. If you are saying “I’ll never get another job” then you probably won’t. If you are saying “how can I try a different field, improve my resume or my interview skills” then you will achieve the result you desire and you will have learned how to motivate yourself in many other areas of your life.

If you want some more support to be self motivational take a look at my own self motivational booklist of authors who have helped me along the way.

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]]> http://selfmotivational.brighterplanet.org/self-techniques/self-motivational-means-never-giving-up/feed How to Motivate Yourself http://selfmotivational.brighterplanet.org/self-techniques/how-to-motivate-yourself http://selfmotivational.brighterplanet.org/self-techniques/how-to-motivate-yourself#comments Tue, 20 Oct 2009 14:26:59 +0000 admin http://selfmotivational.brighterplanet.org/uncategorized/39 The simple answer to how to motivate yourself is to decide what you want, decide what is the price you have to pay to achieve it, then accept that you have to pay that price. A simple answer but not an easy solution. However in essence that is what you need to do if you are going to motivate your self and be the success you want to be. However when I say this to my coaching clients it usually strikes fear into their hearts. I often say that is not a problem. If you want to know how to motivate yourself fear can be a useful ally. Fear can often drive us to use our inner resources more effectively and achieve more than if we sit cosily in our comfort zone.

How can you use fear to motivate yourself rather than create a state of paralysis? If you are scared of heights then the worse thing you can do is to look down. To motivate yourself you look straight ahead, appreciate the view and focus on where you want to go not on where you don’t want to go. Many people have a fear of failure which is nothing to do with falling and ultimately dying. It is often just a fear of being embarrassed when they don’t succeed at something. Therefore if they want to try and achieve something, they keep it to themselves and don’t tell anyone. Thus if they don’t succeed it doesn’t matter nobody ne they were trying. Two points here. One is if they were only “trying” it was unlikely they would succeed. The second point is by not being accountable to anyone they didn’t need worry about trying very hard. So make this fear work for you, declare to others what you intend to achieve and that will drive you make sure you take the appropriate actions. However make sure you declare your intentions only to those who are likely to support and not those who would seek to undermine you.

Very often when we are not sure how to motivate ourselves it is because we see only the barriers in our way to achiving what we desire. In this situation we must go back to the goal we want to achieve and ensure that we are clearly focused on its meaning and what the achievement of it will look like. Remember obstacles are what you see when you take your eye off your goal. If you want any more ideas on how to motivate yourself take a look at my self motivational booklist.

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]]> http://selfmotivational.brighterplanet.org/self-techniques/how-to-motivate-yourself/feed Self Motivational Way to Control Inner Voices. http://selfmotivational.brighterplanet.org/self-techniques/self-motivational-way-to-control-inner-voices http://selfmotivational.brighterplanet.org/self-techniques/self-motivational-way-to-control-inner-voices#comments Mon, 10 Aug 2009 14:03:59 +0000 admin http://selfmotivational.brighterplanet.org/self-techniques/self-motivational-way-to-control-inner-voices Our inner voices by default are usually negative and as such have quite an impact on us. Self motivational people know how to manage these inner voices to stay positive in their outlook.

Very often these inner voices are taking us back to a previous negative incident and constantly serving it up for us to view and relive the experience. As they are viewed repeatedly they are magnified and made to appear even worse than the original incident. They are continually feeding us that if we try things we will fail and so we become almost paralysed to take any action. Sometimes these voices don’t relate to any previous activity they are just there sapping our confidence to be able to take action and achieve our goals.

Self motivational people have great ways for dealing with these inner voices. One of the quickest and best ways to deal with them is to change the sound of them. Remember it’s your head you do have control of that space between your ears. So when you are replaying one of these negative sessions change the pitch of the sound up or down. Make it sound like a silly cartoon voice so squeaky your brain would have no respect for anything it says. Speed the voice up until it sounds as if it is talking gibberish. While doing this begin to notice the positive effect you are experiencing and how self motivational you have become. If you are seeing negative images with the voices then drain any colour from the image, shrink it down to a tiny dot and then kick it off into the distance.

Another great technique that self motivational people use to diffuse the impact of the negative words and images is to get them out of your head and onto paper. Write them all down as if you are sucking them out of your head. Once you have done that, if you have the facility then shred the piece of paper. Then take the shreds and burn them (in a safe way of course) and watch as you have destroyed these negative thoughts and see how empowered and self motivational you become.

If you have particularly negative thoughts which keep recurring then you may have to take them on head on. While relaxing close your eyes and think back to a time when you have dealt successfully with a negative situation. Just see, hear and feel the inner resources you used to deal with the situation. Now bring those images, sounds and feelings back to the current negative voices and know that you can apply them equally well to this situation. Believe me if you tell your subconscious that you have the resources to overcome them it will take on those inner voices and will find a solution. If you want some more ideas take a look at my self motivational booklist.

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]]> http://selfmotivational.brighterplanet.org/self-techniques/self-motivational-way-to-control-inner-voices/feed Self Motivational Way to Manage Stress http://selfmotivational.brighterplanet.org/self-techniques/self-motivational-way-to-manage-stress http://selfmotivational.brighterplanet.org/self-techniques/self-motivational-way-to-manage-stress#comments Tue, 28 Jul 2009 15:13:59 +0000 admin http://selfmotivational.brighterplanet.org/uncategorized/mylotcom You can clearly distinguish self motivational people by the way they manage stressful situations. One of the main reasons we may be easily stressed in a given situation is because we readily associate with it. What does that mean? It means we find it difficult to stand back and take an objective view of the situation. We use most if not all of our senses to absorb ourselves in the situation and thus if it is a negative situation our emotions become overwhelmed. On the other hand self motivational people appear to achieve an inner peace when all around them negative influences are going on. They have a clearer perspective on what is going on rather than just a bunch of mixed up emotions.

In the first instance self motivational people become observers of what is happening around them. They decide to gather as much information about the situation before they decide on and take action. Self motivational people get highly curious about what is going on even in a negative situation. They want to learn what is happening and try to understand what is happening. If you are familiar with Stephen Covey’s book “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” (see my self motivational book list). You will know that one of the habits he recommends is “Seek First to Understand then be Understood”. So as observers they are dissociated from the situation and in a better place to take a more realistic view of what is happening.

The secong thing that self motivational people do is to remain objective. That is they don’t pre-judge the situation waiting till they have all the relevant information before they take a decision and then act. They remain unbiased and are not quick to critisize as many of the rest of us do. Self motivational people also exhibit a sense of compassion rather than just coldly judging people.

When I say that self motivational people act as observers and stay objective they don’t just do that about others. They do the same about themselves in any given situation. This is the real skill of being dissociated in any situation to arrive at the right conclusion. This is why we notice that self motivational people appear to have that inner peace even in particularly negative situations. It also explains why self motivational people always seem to make the right decisions in any given situation. Try it yourself next time you are in a stressful situation, stand back and be an observer and take an objective view. You will notice yourself becoming more self motivational.

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]]> http://selfmotivational.brighterplanet.org/self-techniques/self-motivational-way-to-manage-stress/feed Self Motivational - Face your Internal Resistance http://selfmotivational.brighterplanet.org/self-techniques/self-motivational-face-your-internal-resistance http://selfmotivational.brighterplanet.org/self-techniques/self-motivational-face-your-internal-resistance#comments Sat, 25 Jul 2009 11:15:59 +0000 admin http://selfmotivational.brighterplanet.org/self-techniques/self-motivational-face-your-internal-resistance One of the key traits which stand out in self motivational people is their ability to manage internal resistance. Many people follow the usual steps of self improvement by focusing on goals and drawing up plans to achieve them. Then they get stuck and the most common reason is internal resistance. Why does this happen? Because we really like to stay within our comfort zone. Quite often we spend more time building monuments of resistance and doubt rather than expending the energy on shooting for our goals. Self motivational people are first aware that this can happen and secondly work on avoiding it.

Many of us just react to circumstance and just default to taking the easy option. We of course have to generate excuses to justify this action or lack of it to ourselves. “Its not my fault so I can’t do anything about it.” “I haven’t got time there are too many urgent things to be done.” “I haven’t got enough money to do something about it.” Recognise any of that? Self motivational people refuse to allow that internal dialogue to bog them down. They look at it positively and say “OK that’s my subconscious trying to protect me” They will look to see what does that thinking give you what sort of comfort does it offer. Then they will put in place actions which will move them forward but also provide a benefit to them. For example “I can’t give up smoking because many of my friends around me smoke” OK you are transferring the blame and/or putting up a fear that you could lose friends if you change your habits. Self motivational people would look to expand their circle of friends to include mainly non smokers. Then when they kick the habit try to help some of their original friends do the same. What a great feeling of empowerment that would give you.

How can you start to be more self motivational? Take a look at some changes you have made, no matter how simple or trivial. Realise that you overcame some internal resistance or doubts to achieve that. Then be confident that you achieved it once so you can do it again and see how you can generate some momentum. If you want some more support take a look at my self motivational book list.

 

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