The Self Motivational Resource
A Self Motivational Outlook on Life
Self Motivational Means Mind your Language
Self motivational people know that the language they use can have a very big impact on their moods and behaviour. When others around them are continually using negative talk they conciously block it out to avoid it impacting on their day. How often when something goes wrong you hear others or yourself saying “what a disaster!” In most cases the disaster is no more than laddered tights just before going out for the evening or the video recorder failed to record the football match you wanted to see. So what, but the issue is that your subconcious is listening and if it hears a stream of very negative expressions it reacts accordingly. So you become more and more miserable and in extreme cases depressed and anything but self motivational. When you look at it they are only minor set backs which often can be readily overcome. But if you keep up such negative inner talk or surround yourself with people who exaggerate negativity it will begin to take its toll on your mindset.
Ask yourself this ” Does over emphasising the negative nature of a situation put you in the right frame of mind to overcome it?” Hopefully you answered “No!”. But for some people it has become a way of life to look at the world in as negative frame of mind as possible and worse still express it in extremely negative terms. What happened in Haiti recently was a disaster, missing your favourite football team is no more than an inconvenience to which you should be no more than peeved. There’s a great word to have in your vocabulary which will send the signal to your brain that it is anything but a disaster and you can overcome it or at least cope with it. If you realise that stress is not caused by external factors but by how you react to them you can see that your mental health depends a lot on the language you use and listen to regularly.
So what can you do if you want to be self motivational? First you must look to the language you use yourself. When you find yourself reacting to a negative situation, stop and think and say to yourself in the scale of things how does this compare to a real disaste (Haiti or whichever one you want to use as your yardstick) and say how bad do I feel this situation really is? In most cases it is a minor mishap not a catastrophe. So curb your desire to use hyperbole to describe a negative situation. Secondly listen for others using extreme language to make matters worse and ask them “do you really think the situation is that bad?”. You will help them to become more self motivational by challenging their thinking this way. If you find that some people do not respond positively to this challenging then perhaps its best not to spend too much time in their company. If you would like some further help in being more self motivational take a look at my favourite book list.
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Self Motivational Help to be Happy when Sad
Self motivational people know that their mood is controlled internally by how they respond to external stimuli. If you can take this principle on board you will realise that no matter how badly the world is treating you there is no need to compound it by making yourself miserable.
The first step in improving your mood is to realise that by being aware of the sad feeling and where it emanates from you can begin to do something about it. Its not that self motivational people never have sad feelings it’s just that they latch onto it quicker and begin to manage the situation. They may not be able to change the outside influence that is causing the sadness but they know that they can control their reaction to it. Now I am not suggesting that you ignore sad feelings, sometimes it is your mind sending you signals that you shouldn’t dismiss. For example if you suffer a bereavement of a family member or close friend I am not suggesting you put on a grin from ear to ear and start bouncing off the walls. In such an instance the grieving process requires that you do reflect on this loss. However those who dwell on it for too long never get through the grieving process and it begins to affect both their physical and mental health. Self motivational people move on from feeling sorry for themselves for the loss to celebrating the life of the person who has passed on. Now the grieving process is a lot more complicated than this and needs to be the subject of a longer discussion than here. However I hope it demonstrates that the control is in the hands of the person feeling sad.
So after recognising the sad feeling and why your mind wants to remind you of something, the next stage is to let go of that feeling. This is not to deny the feeling but to realise that in the long term it is not helping you. It is more than an old wife’s tale to say that if you send out negative vibrations to the world you will receive back similar negative vibes. To achieve this you need to begin to live in the now. Self motivational people don’t like to spend a lot of time mulling over negative things that happened in the past nor do they spend too much time anticipating things going wrong in the future. They live in the now and deal with their emotions in the present. If the sadness is caused by someone who has wronged you in the past if you forgive them in the present it is you who benefits by letting go of the grudge. If you find this difficult you will be much more self motivational when you realise that no amount of brooding will change the past but you can change how you feel in the present. Also by living in the now you can focus on what actions you need to take to move forward into a positive tomorrow. Again self motivational people focus on the solution to overcome a sad situation rather than dwelling on the cause or the source. Overall you need to begin to focus on all the wonderful things around you, a baby’s smile, a beautiful sunset, a piece of inspirational music, a funny film etc. If you need further help take a look at my self motivational book list.
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Self Motivational and Self Image
The great thing about self motivational people is that they are not burdened by what other people think of them. That’s not because they are arrogant or conceited they just don’t let it make them feel less of themselves or on the flipside inflate their ego. To paraphrase Rudyard Kipling; self motivational people can meet triumph and disaster and treat those two impostors just the same. It’s about staying on the level regardless of what people say or think about you. Especially what we think others think about us as very often we don’t have a very accurate view of this.
The main reason we often worry about what others think of us is that we crave their approval. Why might we be so dependent on others approval to make us feel good about ourselves? For many of us this behaviour pattern is instilled at a very early age. When children misbehave their parents often chastise them and tell them they are a bad boy/girl. If this is done relentlessly then the child begins to believe they are inherently bad or there is something wrong with them and that their parents don’t love them. If you are a parent of young children make sure that you highlight their bad behaviour not that they are bad. In this way you can direct their behaviour but leave their self esteem intact. Research has found that up to the age of 6 or 7 years a child will accept the opinion of any authority figure as being fact and will begin to form their character as a result. As William Wordsworth said “the child is father of the man”. The problem is further confounded when a child does something well and is given high praise and told they are a good boy/girl. Often they don’t understand why they are now inherently good but it makes them feel good about themselves. From then on they know they feel good when others think well of them and they become almost addicted to the situation. Thus they crave approval even if they are not sure how they go about getting that approval. As we grow up we begin to work out what get approval and what doesn’t though we are not always completely accurate in our analysis. It becomes even more complicated when others have different expectations of us and give approval for different behaviours. This then becomes a barrier to us being self motivational.
As a result we develop a belief that what makes us ‘good enough’ is what others think about us. We then become a puppet on a string to be led one way then another by what we think people will think of us. So how can we alter that belief? The first thing to realise that it is not based on reality it is just our map of the world and that we can change that map. One of the ways of changing belief patterns and becoming more self motivational is to use positive affirmations. These can be used by writing them down a number of times or saying them out loud especially while looking into a mirror. My favourite affirmation to use in this context is “What I think of myself is much more important than what others think of me”. If used often enough you hard wire this new belief pattern into your brain which in turn cuts those strings allowing you to be self motivational. For more ideas take a look at my self motivational booklist.
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Self Motivational Means Being Assertive
How are self motivational people better at being assertive than the rest of us? The main reason is that they understand the difference between being assertive and being aggressive. Many of us believe that to be aggressive is an unacceptable form of behaviour and therefore don’t wish to be seen as that kind of person. In most cases I would agree, though if someone is coming at you with a knife you may be forced to adjust your thinking quickly. However the dislike of this behaviour is often more to do with confusing aggressive behaviour with assertive behaviour. Aggressive behaviour is exhibited by those who don’t care what other people think or believe only their view is the right one. Self motivational people see being assertive as an alternative way to behave. Being assertive means putting forward your point of view forthrightly but at the same time accepting that others are entitled to have a different opinion.
Sometimes it is just a natural reaction to be aggressive when someone else is aggressive towards you. Or you may react in a totally different way when someone is aggressive and exhibit passive behaviour. Some people even swing between being passive until pushed too far and then revert to being aggressive. Neither of these behaviours is likely to satisfactorily resolve a situation. Aggressive, passive or passive/aggressive behaviours do not address the underlying issue directly and often take a relationship off at a tangent leaving the original problem unresolved. Being assertive is about providing direct and clear communication about your views and feelings on an issue without either threatening others position or conceding which is not the same as agreeing. Self motivational people always respect others position while clearly outlining what they want and expect from an individual transaction or an ongoing relationship.
Aggressive, passive or passive/aggressive behaviours are learned behaviours we get from our relationships with those in authority as we grow up. You can readily look back into your past and see where these non-assertive behaviours came from. I don’t suggest you spend too much time looking back. I would prefer to look forward and see how you can develop an assertive approach to life and thus become more self motivational. Understand that in any situation, but particularly in a confrontational one, that you must clearly put forward not only what you think is the truth but what you believe to be the truth. Be prepared to listen to others views but also don’t be afraid to reiterate your views which you strongly believe in. Others may disagree with your views but they cannot take away your right to hold those views.
If you wish to really test this approach use it next time someone is being particularly aggressive towards you. Just continue to say this is what I think and this is what I believe without saying the other person is wrong. Watch how confused they become, they are not used to others behaving in this way and don’t know how to respond. They often will wander off shaking their heads not knowing what just happened. What happened is you were assertive which increased your self esteem and also made you more self motivational. If you need more support in this area have a look at my self motivational booklist.
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How Self Motivational People Crisis Manage
I was inspired to write on this topic as I observe the lack of self motivational behaviour among our British politicians in dealing with the crisis over their use of the badly formed parliamentary expenses system. So what can they and ourselves learn from the way that self motivational people manage a crisis.
The first thing they do is to disassociate from the situation ie they come up above the crisis and take an aerial view of the situation. That way they are less likely to sub optimise when finding a solution and in particular they use their head instead of their emotions. People who are self motivated are very hard headed and will then ask themselves “OK what is the worst thing that can happen to me here?”. This type of thinking means they don’t start to give the crisis more importance than it really deserves. Another good question they ask themselves is “is this situation going to kill me?”. A great question for keeping things in perspective. If this hasn’t calmed you down yet then scale it back and say “will I lose my home as a result?” the answer to that today unfortunately may often be yes. Then the supplementary question is “will I end up without a roof over my head?” The answer to that is “unlikely” which will calm you down. Similarly ” will I starve as a result of this?” to which the answer again is “unlikely”. So if you are not going to die, especially though starvation and you are not going to have to walk the streets then you have time to do some serious and creative thinking.
What did Barack Obama’s advisor Rahm Emanuel say “You never let a serious crisis go to waste. And what I mean by that it’s an opportunity to do things you think you could not do before.” Now there is a self motivational approach to a crisis. So now the question that self motivated people ask is “what would be the best possible outcome to this situation?”. By asking that sort of question our subconscious mind sets to work searching for solutions rather than embellishing the picture of the crisis. You have heard me say before that I truly believe that everyone has within them the resources to achieve what they genuinely desire, that’s why I enjoy coaching people to do just that. So by asking the right questions then you set about tapping into those resources.
Now having within you all the resources necessary doesn’t mean you have all the knowledge but what it does mean for self motivational people is that they quickly work out where to go for help and who to ask. Self motivational people also know that crisis just means that life gives tests and that we need to be very adaptable if we are going to find the answer to those tests and move on. If you or the British Parliament would like any more ideas please take a look at my self motivational book list.
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Self Motivational Means Avoiding Blame
Easier said than done I hear you say, but self motivational people stay out of blame and are much more successful because of this attitude. Next time you feel yourself going into blame mode just stop and think for a moment. What impact is it having on you and even more importantly what impact are you having on others? In the first instance are you blaming others because you are upset and do you feel less upset because you are casting blame? It is unlikely. So if you still feel upset what is casting blame doing for you? Nothing I suspect and you certainly won’t feel more self motivational as a result. In the second instance where your behaviour is impacting others, ask yourself are you blaming them for exhibiting behaviour that you sometimes demonstrate yourself? By recognising this begin to take control for your actions. Blaming others robs you of self motivation and hands control over to those that you are blaming.
When you cast blame you are imposing your map of the world on others. Remember what we said before. We all have our own maps of the world and not only are no two of them the same none of them is an accurate reflection of reality. Self motivational people accept that others have a different outlook on life and set about understanding these differences not trying to impose their preferred view of life. By doing so they know they are learning more about their world and the people in it which is incredibly empowering. Now I am not suggesting that others don’t need to take responsibility for their action because they really do. However holding others to account is different from casting blame and self motivational people know that difference. In some difficult situations others may not take responsibility for their behaviours even when you try to hold them to account. If you want to be truly self motivational then you need to take responsibility for the situation which is causing you discomfort and maybe even pain. Taking full responsibility is one of the most empowering actions you can ever take and will demonstrate your leadership in any circumstance.
For self motivational people the opposite of blaming is being empowered, taking back control and being fully responsible for their journey through life. For more support take a look at my self motivational booklist.
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Being Self Motivational to Handle Stress
Stress is what we feel when we find ourselves in a situation that we consider threatening for whatever reason. It is linked to our ‘cave man’ defence mechanism known as ‘fight or flight’. When our ancestors wandered round a corner and came face to face with a sabre toothed tiger this automatic reaction would save their lives. They would literally be pumped up ready to fight or if more appropriate to show a clean pair of heels. What pumped them up and still does for us today is the quick release of adrenalin into the system. When it happens today we can’t find any sabre tooth tigers to blame and so become confused as what to do. Self motivational people see the situation for what it is ie the body trying to be helpful and see it in a positive light.
So how does that work I hear you say? Well self motivational people see it as an offer of help from nature rather than a threat. Our ancestors didn’t get stressed by the arrival of a clutch of unpaid bills in the post or recieving a demanding e mail from their boss they were always in a physically threatening situation. Hence their reaction to the stimulus was to get active. And that is exactly what self motivational people will often do when they feel stressed, they take some exercise. Taking regular exercise is one of the ways to reduce stress. If you continually find yourself in stressful situations and don’t work off the natural reaction to it you may begin to suffer cronic stress.
Stress is not always bad even in less physical situations. It may get you into an exhilarated state so that you can use your excitement to perform well. For example most people put any form of public speaking very high on scale of stress giving situations. However self motivational people who enjoy speaking in front of groups know that the rush associated with stress is again the body helping you to perform well in this situation. Public speakers and entertainers will deliberately pump themselve up to ensure they give a good performance.
A key thing to remember is that it is your body producing the stress because it is trying to help you. So if it is you that is causing it then you can learn to control it. Other ways to control stress are to recognise that it is the way your mind is interpreting the situation which is causing the stress. Self motivational people look at the situation and instead of magnifying the perceived threat they actively visualise it as even smaller than reality. A classic self motivational technique for dealing with stressful interviews by a boss who is seen as dominating is to visualise him/her naked and vulnerable in say their bath and the threat recedes.
While these techniques can help you to be more self motivational and deal with stress, long term exposure to stressful situations often needs medical intervention to help stabilise them.
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Hope is Part of Being Self Motivational
Tomorrow is expected to be the greatest day for Hope. With the inauguration of Barack Obama as President of the United States a whole nation is investing a lot of hope in him. In fact most of the western world seems to be making a similar investment. How can we as individuals invest hope in our own destiny and become more self motivational in the process. Hope is about having a strong belief that something much greater than where you are today is attainable. When others around you have given up if you can continue to visualise what you believe in then you can keep hope alive. Not only when others have given up but also when some attack you and your dreams that’s when hope is immensely self motivational. It enables you to switch off and stop the negativity from others getting into your thinking and bringing you down to their level.
Every time you hold onto hope you are validating yourself as a truly self motivational being who can achieve all that you want to be even in the face of adversity. But the greatest challenge is when others invest their hope in you as so many are doing with the new president. It is possible that you would see this as a great weight being lowered onto your shoulders. But President Obama like other self motivational people will see it as the oxygen that keeps him going when faced with so many challenges which are trying to stifle his vision for a new tomorrow. So whether it be family members, your co-workers, or members of your local community investing hope in your abilities see it as supporting what you are trying to achieve and use it to make you more self motivational.
So tomorrow while we all have great hope for the new presidency lets also have hope for the success of our own actions and be even more self motivational.
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Self Motivational Way to Overcome Self Doubt
Are you recovering from the holiday excesses and beginning to look at setting New Year resolutions. But hey remember you did that last year and probably the year before. Were you self motivational enough to see them through or like many others let them wither on the vine? When I discuss with people why they didn’t follow through on such resolutions the biggest stumbling block I find is self doubt. It doesn’t just cause enthusiasm for change to wither on the vine it actually sets up a pattern of resistance. Your determination to achieve your new goals will be overpowered by the force of self doubt if you allow it to.
When things get tough instead of just reacting which takes no effort at all decide to be self motivational and think through the challenge to find a solution. That way you are more likely to be creative and find a proactive response which will at least keep you on track if not increase your momentum. Stop listening to that inner voice that says “here we go again, every time I try something new I hit problems and so I will never succeed.” Recognise that voice, that is your self doubt talking to you. You need to drown out that voice by saying “this time it is different I can succeed and overcome this challenge” The mind can only hold one thought at a time, so make sure it is the positive thought not the negative one.
Self motivational people first seek to understand why they have this feeling of resistance caused by self doubt. When you examine why your mind has gone down this path you often find that it trying to protect you from the unknown. You need to tell your mind that you don’t need protecting from yourself thank you very much! You tell it you don’t want to be just a spectator to success being achieved by others that you want a piece of the action for yourself this time. You need to realise that if you are to be self motivational that your mind is playing an old record to you and as such you will continue to be stuck in that groove unless you scratch the record with a new pattern of thinking.
You can’t obliterate your past experiences and nor should you try. In fact when you meet a new challenge, look at it and think back to a time when you faced similar challenges perhaps in other areas. Remember how you did take action to overcome the challenges. Savour such a moment and then bring that feeling of confidence you have from that experience to bear on your current challenge. See your self doubt just melt away, but don’t get complacent because it is going to creep back shortly and you have to get on top of it again.
Remember to be more self motivational you need to realise it is only you holding you back. Go to the Take a Look box at the top of this blog for more inspirational ideas on overcoming self doubt and becoming self motivational.
In addition here is a short video on self doubt.
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Learning to be Self Motivational from Viktor Frankl
If you have not heard of Viktor Frankl he is the author of several works, the greatest of these is the self motivational book Man’s Search for Meaning. Frankl was already formulating his approaches to focusing on the true meaning in life before the Second World War. After the outbreak of the war he and his family were dispatched to concentration camps. As the only survivor of his family he used his experience to further clarify his thinking on the meaning and purpose in life.
He realised that in the most extreme situation of depravation the one thing that could not be taken away from him was his freedom to think. He noted at one point that his concentration camp guards had more liberty than he but that he had more freedom of thought than those who carried out orders without questioning them.
One of the things he observed among his fellow prisoners was it was the ones, that were self motivational through focusing what was beyond their current situation and a purpose for their life, who had a greater chance of survival. Those that focused only on the misery of their current situation and the lack of meaning in it were more likely to perish. In fact he established a principle that people who have led a fairly superficial existence when they are thrown into a harsh environment often come out as stronger after their suffering. When they realise they have great freedom of choice even in a difficult situation it is incredibly empowering and self motivational.
He saw in the behaviours of fellow prisoners while still incarcerated and after their release inflicting pain and cruelty on others as a result of that meted out to them. This choice and reaction is found in many who have suffered from child abuse who go on to commit the same acts on their own children. To break such a cycle needs the realisation that we have a choice in how we interpret the actions of others and a choice in how we respond. It can make us stronger or weaker however we choose to respond.
In addition his experience taught him how precious every moment of your time can be. Many of his conclusions have helped self motivational people overcome procrastination. One principle he held was to try to do anything that needed doing as soon as possible rather than leave it to the last moment. As he explained, this ensured that when he had a lot of tasks to achieve he had not added more pressure on himself by putting off important activities which then only accumulate. In this way he taught us to stay out of overwhelm. Another principle, again used by self motivational people, is to tackle the least pleasant jobs before those that are easier to do. In this way we achieve the more difficult tasks while we are still fresh and the easier ones when we are not at our best. How often have you found yourself doing the reverse? However Frankl was known to confess that he was not perfect in keeping to this principle but admitted he always sorely regretted it if he had not stayed true. If you would like more information on Viktor Frankl’s book Man’s Search for Meaning and other self motivational works take a look at my self motivational book list.
Also take a look at this short clip of the great man explaining part of his philosophy
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100 Ways to Motivate Yourself
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